When people are killed or injured in traffic crashes, lives and spirits, as well as limbs and joints, can be left shattered. Friends, loved ones, and acquaintances are often mystified by how to be supportive and how to talk about what happened, both in the immediate aftermath and months and years after a crash. For safe streets advocates, connecting with those who have paid such a personal price for traffic violence can also be a challenge, whether to offer assistance, comfort, and hope, or to engage them in advocacy and activism to prevent future carnage.

Families for Safe Streets — an advocacy and support organization comprised of people who have been personally impacted by traffic violence, this year marking its fifth anniversary — has found several effective models and strategies for doing this work. Our road map is based on the support, resources, and advice that have been most helpful or desired by our members.

Making the Connection

Unless a crash happened to someone you know, the random nature of traffic violence may make it difficult for advocates to find those who have been affected. Not everyone will be open to connecting and it would be futile to look for and reach out to every single person involved in a traffic crash in your community.

At Families for Safe Streets, we instead employ a multi-pronged approach to increase awareness of our organization, allowing interested people to easily find us. We publicize our services and contact information far and wide, both online and in-person. This includes having a strong social media presence; being visible at vigils, public memorials, ghost bike installations, and community meetings; and building relationships with referral sources like hospitals, attorneys, police, clergy, and media. We distribute organizational postcards in multiple languages and use community, political, media, and personal connections to reach out directly in the aftermath of crashes.

In one example, a group of Families for Safe Streets members attended a vigil for a nine-year-old boy who was killed while walking in the crosswalk with his mother. His grieving parents were so moved by the presence of other bereaved parents that they joined the organization and started speaking out as advocates only weeks later. In another, a widow whose husband was killed while bicycling, intrigued by a photo in a local community paper of members wearing Families for Safe Streets’ t-shirts, discovered our website and has since found camaraderie in our support services and an outlet for her desire to make meaningful change. Yet another member, who is now speaking at press conferences and community board meetings, learned about our support community through his therapist who had either been to a presentation or saw a blurb in one of many community emails we ask elected officials and community organizations to send out. In these ways, by being a constant public presence with a clear purpose, the needful public can find us as they are ready.

Providing Needed Services

As you meet people affected by traffic violence, be sensitive to whether they are just in need of a listening ear, support services, and logistical assistance, or if they are interested in and ready for advocacy. Having an arsenal of resources is essential. Families for Safe Streets provides a downloadable online manual and offers peer support, monthly support communities, and referral guidance.

If you find someone who is ready for advocacy, be conscious of schedules and especially of comfort level. Offer a range of opportunities to engage, from a one-time appearance at a press conference, to attending a support group or leading a campaign for change on our streets. At Families for Safe Streets, we aim to give our members a place to find meaning and support they are unlikely to find anywhere else, always keeping in mind that people come to our group with different needs and expectations.

In New York City, we have found that Families for Safe Streets can bring a human face to statistics that can otherwise seem meaningless and give government agencies the backing they need to resist the inevitable pushback against street safety efforts. However, for all that powerful meaning, it is critical to respect the boundaries and limitations of people in mourning or overcoming trauma. These boundaries may fluctuate over time. The most important thing you can do while working with victims of traffic violence is to allow them to steer, always paying heed to not be exploitative.

Lastly, it is important to recognize the differences between injury and loss. Inspired by a young woman, who after her own crash started a group to connect with others who had been injured, Families for Safe Streets offers a separate community for traffic injury support.

The Reality of Trauma

Confronting the tragedy of losing a loved one or being seriously injured in an instant typically causes a reaction of shock and disbelief, as well as a mix of depression, anger, anxiety, and hopelessness. Dealing with heartbreak and grief, plus physical pain for those who have been injured, is an exhausting full-time job that often takes place while practical and legal issues demand attention. To top it off, the burden is often exacerbated by feelings of isolation and a sense of being alienated from the rest of the world.

The experience of grief and trauma is an assault to the whole body and can have an impact on brain function and behavior. Awareness of the science behind the short- and long-term implications of trauma can be especially important for staff, volunteers, and even friends and family. If making therapist referrals, consider someone who is informed and sensitive to the issues of trauma. If you get into a space where you are unsure of what to say or do, keep in mind that merely listening actively, without judgment, advice, or an agenda, can be hugely impactful.

Knowing What to Say and Do

It is both daunting and a privilege to connect with a fellow human being during their darkest hours, whether as a loved one or acquaintance or as a safe streets advocate. It requires the emotional stamina to tolerate someone else’s suffering and to convey a willingness to listen to their story without minimizing the tragedy.

Be conscious of not wanting to intrude on someone’s private life during a time of crisis, but also remember that most people respond with relief to offers of support from an informed party whose only objective is to support and understand their heartbreak. It is not necessary to share the experience of a traffic trauma to effectively reach out with compassion. While there is no “right” way to listening to someone’s story, there are a few things you can do to make sure they feel safe:

First, listen attentively, refrain from interrupting, and ask questions for clarification. You should be laser focused without preconceived ideas of how the conversation “is supposed to” unfold. Be patient and present. There may be silences or gaps in conversations, which do not require comment. Simply bearing witness to someone’s pain has significant power. Even if you have experienced a similar loss or injury, refrain from assuming or articulating that you “understand” anyone’s unique experience.

Next, be sure to acknowledge the tragedy and injustice, and avoid unrealistic or false reassurance that one day they will be “back to normal.” Do not try to talk someone out of their feelings, even if taking their own life is mentioned. This is not an unusual thought, given the circumstances, and does not necessarily warrant the panic button unless they indicate plans for how and when they would do so. In that case, you must alert a professional and call 911.

The conversation may revolve around practical issues rather than emotional ones, like requests for attorneys or physical therapists or questions about how the justice system works. If you are unable to respond knowledgeably, suggest the “Families for Safe Streets Resource Guide” and offer to follow up with more information.
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The impact of traffic violence is a life-altering event and none of us are prepared for the decisions, pain, physical limitations, grief, and emotional consequences that ensue immediately and in the years to come. You can make a difference in someone’s life by merely witnessing their grief, holding their pain, and when appropriate, offering advocacy opportunities to make change. Doing so is a profound contribution.


[This article first appeared in Transportation Alternatives’ Vision Zero Cities Journal in 2019.]


Judith Kottick confronted the unimaginable in 2013 when her 23-year-old daughter, Ella Bandes, was killed by a distracted bus driver. She and her husband joined others who were impacted by traffic violence to form Families for Safe Streets, an organization of Transportation Alternatives. Judith is a clinical social worker and maintains a private practice in New York and New Jersey. 
Chana Widawski is the inaugural organizer for Families for Safe Streets. A social worker with over a decade of experience working with victims and survivors of crime, Chana is also a four-season cyclist, environmental activist, and neighborhood organizer. She serves as Adjunct Faculty at Hunter School of Social Work.

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